Under the Willow Tree

Laptop died

2008-06-25T02:40:26Z

My laptop finally died. It's been trying for about a year but has always valiantly hung on for just a little bit more. I've been expecting it for a couple months now but had hoped to squeeze out another 6 months or so from it. Well it was 10 years old so I guess it's lasted longer than it should have. It wasn't good for anything but doing my writing on and reading fic but still that's where I do my writing-when I write. I lost my most recent story and I lost several days worth of beta work to. I knew I should have saved it disk. Now I have to redo it and let the author know it's going to be longer. This is not helping my depression.

What do I do with a laptop carcass?

school, life and bitching

2008-05-16T23:51:28Z

So, I guess I made progress today. I asked for most of next week off at work and got the ok, so I now mon-thur to try to get my classes back on track. I think I can do it for 3 but may have to take a fail on the 4th and retake it as there is to much work in it I'm behind on.

I meet with my VA voc rehab counselor yesterday and met her replacement. They said if I have to take a fail it's ok and I won't be penalized other than having to retake the class. They also are going to try to get me pushed into system at the VA hospital so I can go back on depression meds. I've been off the meds for 3 yrs but the operation and getting constantly sick, school pressure, job pressure and my mom's illness have all combined to bring it back along with the anxiety crap. I can deal with the depression-been doing for 10 yrs. It's the other I can't work around and is now causing the most and worst problems for me. I have the military to thank for it. I have a premant chemical imbalance because of going through long term pain without proper care. By the time they started treating me properly for the injuries it was to late and a premant change had happened. Doc's said when you are in pain your body gives off certain chemicals and they interfere with other chemicals causing depression etc. If it goes on to long the pain chemicals do something to the receptors in the brain and they can no longer take the proper chemicals so the premant imbalance. It sucks but can be worked around. the big A can't. If it's not one thing it's another.....

So I turned in graduation application and the 11 bucks even though I'm not sure I can get the work caught up. I'm hopefull, otherwise I'll have to wait till august. I also went to financial aid and showed them that my incomplete from last quarter were finally changed to grades and would you please release my money so I can pay my rent. One of my last quarters teachers just changed the grade. I had to keep hounding him but it was finally done. The work was turned in and graded weeks ago so I was just waiting on him the update the grade book. Well it's done. They said to check back with the cash office wed or thur and it should be there. Hopefull it is. The VA pays my tuition and my crappy part time job pays enough for me the eat and buy gas as long it's ramen and the cheapest fuel I can find. The aid check pays for 3 months rent on my tiny apartment.

Finally I went to see the counselor on campus my VA counselor told me to go to as he can help me while I wait for the hospital and he can help set up make-ups. He apparently doesn't work on fridays so I have an appointment monday.

So, maybe progress. Not alot but some. It's a start.

Well this sucks

2008-05-12T03:27:56Z

Now I'm really confused. I posted my story at the site this morning and I haven't gotten a single comment good or bad. The story posted after mine on the site has 18 comments already and they posted their's this afternoon. Another story posted this evening already has 1 comment so I know at least 18 people have read the stories posted today. I just don't understand why I can't get any feed back. I don't think mine sucked eggs but I was hoping to at least get some feed back on if I got Ronon ok, not to mention if people thought it sucked or not. I'm guessing people think it's bad. Couldn't get anyone to beta it and now can't even get a comment telling me it sucked. This is so depressing. I think I'm going to go dig out my chocolate stash and turn on the Hallmark chanel. Hey, if I'm going to be depressed mise well do it right.

I finished beta'ng a start to a story today for a new writer. It wasn't a bad concept but the way it was written sucked. I ended up pointing out a ton of things that don't work, can't work and somethings that would work if done differently , along with how things could be done. I gave them alot of suggestions and offered to help as a sounding board etc so they could make the story work but I am thinking they hate me now because I was honest even thought I did say I would be happy to work with them. It seems my recent story sucks but I've been doing alot of beta work lately and have had no complants and lots of kudos. So I my not be any good writting any more but I can help others get it right. I thought I was as polite as I could be while telling them they need to rework things but I am thinking they still took it wrong. Ah well. Just another sucky thing to go along with the rest of the sucky day.....

Promises to keep (Must Be Dreaming Challenge)

2008-05-11T18:54:15Z

SGA story for SGA flashfiction 'Must Be Dreaming' Challenge

Title: Promises to keep
Author: Bluetoads
Word count: 1,962

Rating: PG-13
Pairing: None
Spoilers: 4x20 Last Man
Notes: Ronon, Team, gen. Not beta’d.

Summary: The whispers follow him as he races through the halls

The day is warm with just enough of a breeze to keep you from getting too hot. The sky is a crystal clear blue without a cloud in it. The sun is a bright yellow globe shining down on us. It’s what Sheppard calls beach weather. Sheppard had decided it was a prefect day for team building and had rounded us all up and dragged us to the North pier for swimming, sunning and barbeque. The water is warm and I enjoy the warmth and salty tang while I swim off the pier. I‘ve been in the water about an hour now. Sheppard and Teyla joined me for a bit but they retreated to the pier a while ago. Teyla to lay in the sun and Sheppard to start the food. I stop swimming when my arms start to ache and just lay back into warmth of the water with my eyes closed. My back is to the others and I smile as I listen into my teammates talk. McKay is bitching about the sun and how much radiation we’re all getting and for god’s sake Sheppard put your shirt back on, do you want to die from cancer, here put this on I made it myself it’s SPF 100. Teyla asks if Sheppard needs any help with the food. Sheppard drawls for Rodney to relax and enjoy the sun, it’s good for you and if Teyla could pull out the plates that would be great. I hear Col Carter ask if anyone has a preference for music before something with a lot of drums starts up. Sheppard calls out to me to come on back, foods ready. I enjoy listening to my teammates bicker and play. We don’t have time to relax very often anymore and with the Athosians gone there are no more trips to the mainland. I know Sheppard misses the beaches. We haven’t made it to this planets mainland yet.

Then all sound stops. I hear nothing from behind me, not even the music. The water around me gets much warmer and feels thicker somehow and the salt tang is suddenly much stronger. It’s the smell that registers first. Once smelt, you never forget it. It lingers on the back of your tongue making you gag. I open my eyes and the sky overhead is no long blue but gray, solid gray and over cast. I look down into the water and it’s no longer blue. It’s deep red, the red of deep venous blood. The ocean has turned to blood. It clings to me in a way water can’t. I flip around and look to the pier. I see my team on the ground, unmoving. I quickly stroke to the pier and pull myself out of the ocean of blood leaving bloody hand prints and foot prints behind me on the metal of the pier. I reach Teyla first. She is laying on her blanket but is unmoving. As I reach her I see she has been fed on by a Wraith. All that is left is wrinkled skin and bone. I gentle bend down and touch her face. Her eyes pop open and she stares at me accusingly. Her lips move. I bend closer so my ear is almost touching her lips. She whispers, “You didn’t come, you left me and my baby to die. I trusted you, you failed me!” Then her body disintegrated into dust and blows away leaving me with dust in my eyes and the taste of ashes on my lips.

III

I stand and see Col Carter next. She is standing facing away from me looking toward the doors that lead inside. As I take a step towards her she turn to me. She reaches a hand out to me and says, “We trusted you, John trusted you. You failed us. You left Teyla, you left John. You gave up on us, why did you do that?” Then she bursts into flames. Her whole body a tower of flame, then she explodes in a blaze of light. I turn away and shield my eyes. When I turn back there is nothing left but a scorch mark on the metal of the pier where she had been standing a moment before and the redness on my skin from the heat..

I turn toward where McKay had been sitting. He’s laying face down on the ground now, his arms and legs at odd angles. I rush to him and gentle turn him over. He’s a mess of cuts and slashes and blood, blood everywhere. He’s broken and bloody. His throat is slashed open and I know he’ll bleed out any minute now. I try to stop the blood from bubbling out of him with my hands but there’s too much. His eyes snap open and he stares at me accusingly. His lips move. I can’t figure out how he can speak at all. I barely hear him say, “You left me; you left us, look what happened! You promised Sheppard you’d keep us safe but you left us. Now look at us! You broke your promise, how could you do that to him? He trusted you.” Then the light fades from his eyes and he is gone, his body just fades away till it too is gone. All that is left is the blood on my hands. I back away, looking franticly around. McKay, Teyla, Carter. No Sheppard. Where the hell was Sheppard! I turn back to the water and its still blood. I turn back to the city and it’s floating in an ocean of blood. There are black birds circling the central tower. I race into the city and everywhere I look there are bones. Dried, yellowing bones. Everyone in the city is dead. The whispers follow me as I race through the halls trying to find Sheppard, trying to find anyone alive in a city that just that morning had hundreds of people in it. “You left us! You left us to die! How could you, you promised to protect us” Protect us and you promised seem to echo off the walls.

I round a corner near the control room and find the Wraith Sheppard called Todd standing in the middle of my path. He’s smiling. I ask, what are you smiling about? He, it laughs and says, “Sheppard trusted you. You made a promise to him and then you broke it.”

“It wasn’t like that!” I yell at the creature. He just shakes his head

“I made a promise to him too but I kept my promise as he did his to me. You don’t find it funny that I, his enemy, could keep my promise to him but you, his trusted friend and team mate, broke yours almost as soon as he turned his back? Who was more trust worthy humm?” Then the creature starts laughing and doesn’t stop. I pull my gun and blast the bastard away. He finally stops laughing as his body hits the floor dead and does not move again. His laughter still rings in my head.

I skirt the body and continue to the gate room. I find him there. He’s standing before the Ancestors ring, his back to me. He’s a slim black figure against the blue of the active ring. His hair is sticking up all over even worse than usual. He doesn’t move as I approach him. I say his name “Sheppard?” He turns at my voice. There’s something wrong but I can’t quite figure out what it is. He’s all in black with a long black duster and his black sunglasses. That must be it. I’ve never seen him in anything that long. He cocks his head at me and I see his left eyebrow wing up over the sunglasses. He drawls “Ronon”

“They’re all dead” I say.

“Whose fault is that Ronon?” he asks me. “You promised me you’d look after them but you left and now they’re all dead.” He shakes his head “You broke your promise Ronon.” He turns away from me back to the ring and takes a step forward.

I raise my hand to him and shout, “wait!” He stops and halfway turns back to me with another head tilt and eyebrow raise but doesn’t say anything. “You died Sheppard, you left first. I tried but I can do more out there.”

“I’m not dead Ronon. I didn’t leave.” He shrugs “I’m still here. You left me. You all left me.”

I shake my head no “No, you never came back. We looked but no one had any information on what happened to you. We thought you’d been taken but we never found anything. Then they said you had been lost in the ring and were dead.”

“I’m still here Ronon, you just aren’t looking in the right place.” He replies to me.

“How do I find you?” I see him give his trademark smirk toward me and then he says “you already know” Then he turns back to the ring and the lights start to go out. I hear the city shutting down around us with a sigh till there are no more lights and the only sounds heard is the ring and us. The only light left is the blue from the ring. It’s dark outside the stained glass windows behind the ring. I try one more time “wait” He half turns to me again and gives me a last head tilt and smirk. He brings his left hand up and pulls his sunglasses down a bit so he’s looking at me over the rim. I suck in a sharp breath at what I see and take an involuntary step back. His eyes are glowing green. Bright green, like new leaves. “It’s too late for that Ronon, much too late” He turns away then, letting his arm drop back to his side. As I watch his long black coat seems to part and it’s not a coat at all. It turns out to be large black wings. They spread and flex then with a powerful down stroke he shoots up in to the air. The jumper bay doors are open and I watch him fly out and away. Glowing eyes and black wings till it’s just me and the ring. I look back to the ring and see something on the floor before it. I bend down and pick it up. It’s a black feather and is about two feet long. I look up once more but there is nothing to see. He’s gone, the city is dead. I look around one more time then clutching the feather in my fist I step into the ring.

I awake with a shout and tumble out of my cot on to the damp ground. My heart races and my breath is harsh panting. The tent flap opens and Direl my lieutenant sticks his head in and looks at me on the ground “You Ok?” he asks looking concerned. I can see dawn is just lightening the sky over his shoulder. It was a dream, just a dream and it’s time to get up anyways. “Yeah, bad dream” He nods at me not needing to say anything and withdraws letting the tent flap fall back into place. I start to push myself back up and stand when I feel my fingers brush something soft. I look down and there on the ground is a huge, glossy, black feather about the length of my forearm.

Beta was a bust

2008-05-11T18:48:39Z

So the whole search for a beta for my recent story was a total bust. I posted a request at 3 different SGA beta sites and got nadda. I don't really understand that though. On one site the beta request the day before mine and the one posted the day after both had takers. I don't post much out there but I've never got a bad review on what I have so I don't think I'm a terrible writer or that I have a bad reputation. I have no idea what's going on with that. So it's been a week and the story deadline was today so I re-read my story, did a couple minor changes and then posted it on SGA Flash fiction. Ah well.

Looking for a beta for SGA fic, SV fic and life

2008-05-07T05:06:17Z

Finished my fic for SGA flashfiction 'must be dreaming challenge'. I wrote Ronon and I haven't done that before so I want someone else to look at the fic before I post. So I went beta searching. I know there is a site just for SGA beta's and I thought I had saved the site but couldn't find it in my bookmarks. I joined Wraithbeta instead and posted a request for a beta. I hope someone decides to give it try.

I sent my SV plot to emily and what I have done so far on it. She had alot of good ideas but I'm not sure how to work them in. All her ideas are great but I think it's going to be a lot bigger story than what I was looking to do for my SV fic. May have to break it up into parts if I can get it written. Yes, I know. Instead of working on my SV fic I go and do a SGA fic.

Life wise, been sick for several days. I haven't been to work in a week. Tomorrow will be my first day back. I still feel like shit but I can't miss anymore work. I know it's only been 4 days I was scheduled to work but when you only work 4 days a week that's a pay check. I've had a headache for 3 days now and it's causing me to tense my neck and shoulder musecls so it makes the headache worse and around in a circle we go.

I went to campus today and spent an hour with one of my instructors trying to figure out what the hell I was suppose to be doing on some assignments. Ah well.

Life, health and school

2008-04-09T21:36:10Z

Things are starting to get better. I still need to take a nap everyday but my hair has stopped falling out and my eyebrows and eyelashes are coming back in. I am still amazed at how messed up I became from a simple surgery. I've had several surgeries in the military on my feet and knees and never got so sick and such. Those antibiotics really messed me up big time. I've been off all meds for a month now and I'm still messed up. My GI tract is taking forever to get back to normal and the tiredness is a real pain. On the up side I am better and it's just going to be a slow recovery.

I've been keeping up with the 2 mile walk everyday. It helps. The hardest part is getting myself to get out the door and start but once I start the walk I feel good. day 11 so far for walks.

Did get some good news today. The teacher that gave me an E and wouldn't let me turn in my final project relented and let me turn it in. I thought she was just going to critique it and tell me what I need to improve on etc for when I retake the class in the fall but she changed my grade to a C so I don't have to retake for missing 2 weeks. I'm pretty happy about it and it was a complete surprise to me that she decided to do that. I've got grades for 3 of my 4 classes from last quarter. An A-, B and C. Now I just have to get the final grade from the last instructor. It's kind of funny because I turned that work in almost a week before I turned in the others work so I would have thought it would be done first. Ah well. Looks like I may get to graduate in June this year. There are 2 classes I want to take after that that will give me my coding certificate thought so I won't be done with school just yet.

Walk day 2

2008-04-01T02:26:17Z

Went back to the park this afternoon and did the 1 mile trail around the lake. I almost didn't go but after getting back from the campus bookstore I sat for a bit and then guilted myself into going. I wasn't sure about it at first as it started to rain as soon as I go out the door. But I decided to stick it out as I was out there already and the sky had light spots so I was hoping the sun would come out pretty quick. After about 10 minutes it did and then it was a nice walk. I figured out I walk a little over 2 miles totals from leaving my door to getting back. It took me 10 minutes to walk to the park and the start of the lake trail in the park then I timed myself at each marked quarter mile and found I was doing a nice pace of 4 minute quarter miles so I finished the trail in just under 20 minutes and walked home for another 10 minutes. Not bad. I need to do 2 miles at least 3 days a week so this works out perfect. Only problem I had was on the way out of the park my left ankle started giving me a hard time. When I got home I dug out my ankle brace and put it on and it feels fine now. I haven't had to wear the brace for almost 2 years so I wasn't happy but it's not bad.

Explored the park

2008-03-30T18:33:23Z

I turned in all my make-up homework on friday and the new quarter doesn't start till monday so I had a free weekend (I did have to work saturday morning but we got out at 9 am). I did some needed cleaning saturday and rearranging-putting textbooks away , laundry, did diidhes and such then I ended up sleeping most of the rest of the day away.

Today I decided to go explore the park right down the street. I've been meaning to do it for awhile but never had the time or energy to do it. I spent about an hour and a half exploring it and there are still alot of off shoot trails I didn't do today. There is a nice 1 mile walk/run paved trail around a small lake and green plants all over. There are fensed dog areas and a really nice childrens play area along with sports area and several places to grill and picnic. It nice. I need the exercise so am going to make the time to go do the 1 mile trail 3 times a week. The parks open from 7:30 am-9pm so I don't have an excuse not to go. I really felt good when I finished my exploring so I know it's good for me. There were alot of birds around the lake to so it was neat. I saw flocks of red breasted robins which really means spring is here and then I saw at least 3 kinds of ducks and 2 kinds of what I think are some lind of loon or maybe erget. I think it's really going to be a pretty place when the brown of winter leaves and the green of spring takes over. I did see little patches of bright yellow daffadils to so it's nice. I did return a bit sweaty but it was still a good outing.

WOW!

2008-03-26T00:44:26Z

I finally got a a bit of good news today. When I got home from work and checked my email I had a notice that someone has nominated a story of mine for an award. That is so cool!. It's just a neat icon if I win a catagory but the fact that someone liked my story enough to do it is whats so cool about this.

Congratulations! Your story/artwork has been nominated for the SGA_Kink_Awards. Please feel free to visit the site at http://community.livejournal.com/sga_kink_awards .

I've only posted one story at this site and it was for last years valentine's day stalker challenge (Stargate Atlantis)
(Gosh has it really been that long!) so it has to be this one I did for lovelokest. It's called : 2 A.M. or thereabouts John/Rodney NC-17
http://bluetoads.livejournal.com/15430.html#cutid1

I really needed this pick-me-up as I've been having a really shitty couple of months. This is SO COOL! Makes me want to start writing some more...........

Mom's sock

2008-02-27T01:52:39Z

Just a look at the new sock pattern that I am making for my mom. The yarn colors aren't coming out as I thought they would when I saw the skein-I was thinking a more mixed gentle blend without the color boxs but it looks ok. Just not what I was going for but the socks are for her birthday and I'm running out of time to get a pair done in time. The first two patterns I tried didn't look right or the yarn colors didn't look right so I am going to have to stick with this one.

New sock I started

2008-01-26T04:53:46Z

I started this new sock a couple days ago but hadn't finished the cuff (ribbing) till tonight and started the pattern. It is turning out really well. I haven't used this pattern before or this size needles or the yarn. I am finding I am not having a problem with any of them. I thougth I would with the small needles and yarn but they are both working fine. I really like this yarn. It's cammed smooshy from dream in color. I believe the color is twilght and it's hand dyed. Just really lovely to work with. I usually use mon dea and size 3 needles so I thought I would have problems with the finer yarn and smaller needles. Nope. I'm happy.

photobucket, blah, blah...

2008-01-20T03:10:39Z

I finally got myself a photobucket account and put some of my lastest craft projects up so I can start putting them into my LJ posts. I put a few in today after some trial an error. Should be working on homework but I have no motivation to do that right now. It's boring and/or frustrating so I am playing on the computer an reading fan fiction. On the up side I read 3 great SV stories today and haven't had a headache all day.

Nothing, school, socks and bunnies....

2008-01-18T03:25:01Z

I just had the urge to post but I don't really have anything to post.......

If physical therapy is suppose be helping me and cutting down the frequency's of my headaches why am I having more headaches now? Gesh- I've had two bad migraines in the past 2 months. I hate those. I can feel them coming a day or so ahead of time then I'm hit with it and after anywhere from 8-24 hours later I end up with the shakes and my head will feel iffy, body shaky and I just overall feel fragile. That whole thing can last anywhere from a day after to 3 days after. The ironic part is I had a total of 3 migraines in the 12 years I was in the military. Then of course I seem to have a low level headache all the time now and it just flares ups. It is stressing me out big time. I just never feel well and the headache goes up and down all day. Heck tuesday I started crying because I couldn't find a parking space right away at the hospital. It only last a few minutes but the whole time I'm going 'what the heck?!' It came out of no where. I am thinking it is all the stress hitting me. Which may be why I am having such a hard time this quarter with school.

Almost finish the 2nd sock to the pair of socks I am knitting. Whee. I'll be happy to finish them so I can start a different pair. I really don't like how the colors of the yarn turned out. The blues, greens and purple striping area is fine- I like that part, it's why I bought the yarn- but there is also a red and white area in the yarn that makes me think of candy canes and also a yellow and red mix area that all I can think of is catsup and mustard mixed together. Ugh. Ah well.

Still haven't put any of my recent bunnies down on paper-or keyboard yet. Keep meaning to. Got to get them down so I can stop thinking about them at odd times.

school, blah, blah....

2008-01-05T05:16:10Z

New quarter is shaping up to be really sucky already and we're only 3 days into it. Yeah, classes are going that well. One of my text books didn't even come into the bookstore till yesterday and we had homework from it due today. I get to the bookstore yesterday and the lines are wrapped around the store. I stood in line for 45 minutes for a 1 minute transaction. Unreal. Then in another class it is all online labs type stuff that is run by an outside source but we can't acess the links into the site for the labs as the labs aren't up yet. It's not the teacher or the school as they don't control the outside company so they can't do anything about us not being able to start. I can tell it's going to be fun to play catch up in that class whenever we can get into the labs.

So not looking forward to getting up at 3 am tomorrow to go into work. Sigh.

On the up I finished another hat. Turned out nice. Must figure out how to post pics......

one more exam done!

2007-12-13T02:23:13Z

3 down, one more to go. Took my three final today for my health information systems class. It wasn't as bad as I thought and I got it done in an hour and a half so that was good. That just leaves me one more exam tomorrow which is my disease one. On the down side we got told at work this morning that we are going to nights till the 27th of dec starting tonight. I am not going to at 11 pm tonight as I still have that exam tomorrow so I start nights tomorrow night. Yuck! though it does mean I don't have to get up at 3 am for a while. I'll be getting out from work around 7 am so that works. Don't have to deal with customers-sorry-guests.

going wireless and mundain stuff

2007-12-05T04:46:02Z

Wow, I can't believe it's december already! On the 1st (saturday) I finally went to Meyers and got a crash course on home wireless sharing of an internet connection. I only have the one hook-up so in order to get my new school computer to be able to go on-line I needed to figure out how the split the cable from the modem or see about the in home wireless thing I have been hearing about. I decide to go with the wireless after listening the service rep. I was impressed with the kid, he was patient and answered all my questions and asked some I didn't think about. So I ended up getting the wireless router and the USB network adapter for the other computer. I didn't hook everything up till monday the 3rd though. It went well.

I decide to pull out a couple of my craft projects I put away before the last move. I found out I was a ball of yarn short for both projects. I ended up going out to see if I could find the yarn to replace the missing ball. I found a nice yarn shop a couple of miles from my new place. She carries the imported 'good' yarns. Stuff you see in magazines and it ranges from $4-$45 a ball. but she also offers classes in both knitting and crochet and has free social get togethers where you work on your projects and talk with other knitters and crocheter's. I decide to go to the monday night social and also bought a ball of nice sock yarn. I've never used real sock yarn before. The social was nice and there were alot of people there. I got to see some pretty wonderful stuff being done and got to see that alot of others buy the cheaper yarn from Micheals and such to. It was nice and a couple ladies helped me with the new sock yarn. I ended up having to get a pattern just for that yarn , but it was free so that was good. I also met a lady I use to go to Circle with when I was part of the wiccan circle on fort lewis. Ahe works there. Her husband finally retired. Stacy was nice and it was nice to see a familar face.

On the health front my back has been giving me aot og problems and pain and I can't seem to get rid of my cold. The cough is almost gone but I still have an iffy stomach and gi tract. I also have been having and almost constant neck pain and headache. I am just really tired all the time and just don't feel well. Ah well.

Nothing much, life and doctor appointments

2007-11-23T17:58:50Z

I finally got into see the back/neck specialist at the VA. They sent me to the seattle hospital this past wed. Luckly I was put on nights at work three days this week-wed, fri and sat. I'm not happy about that but it worked for my appointment. I took the VA lakewood shuttle up there so I didn't have to drive and fight the traffic. I was pretty sure I would be in to much pain afterwards to deall with an hour drive along with holiday traffic. I was right. Big time pain afterwards but the docs were cool. I got the main doc and his intern. He told me my back and neck is more screwed up than I thought. Big time screwed up. He wants me to have more x-rays done and start a special physical therpy. He thinks he can get me almost pain free but it will take awhile as in about a year time frame but it's never going to be fixed as the joints were damaged. So now I just have to wait for the VA to call me back and tell me when and where ect. The ride back took 2 and half hours because traffic was so bad. It was unreal! I had just enough time to take a short nap before I had to go to work. Work sucked big time. I was sick still-still am today but not as bad- and I was hurting big time from the doctors appointment so it was not a good night. I was very happy to leave. We were suppose to leave at 4 am but they didn't let us go till 6 am then we had to scrap our cars as there was frost on them. My drivers side door lock froze so I had to get in from the passenger side. Ah well.

I didn't get to sleep long. Only about 4 hours as the sun came out and came in right on my face. No shades so I couldn't back it out. Putting a blanket over my face didn't help because of the cold I couldn't breath that way. So I ended up getting up about 10 am and skyped home and talked to mom. Tim and his girlfriend came over for thanksgiving with mom so I got to talk with Tim for a bit. He sounds OK. I got to talk to Jackie and see baby Johnathan wed when I called and mom turned on her video cam. Jackie looks great as always and the baby got really big. Thursday I just didn't feel up to going anywhere as I was so tired so I didn't go to Brians for dinner and I also didn't cook my tofuky. Didn't want to mess with it. Today I am still feels tired and hurting but I have to go get something to take to work tonight for my dinner break. Don't feel good at all. I hope the night goes fast.

computer came

2007-11-04T21:42:29Z

The computer the VA was getting me finally got here. It came on friday (2 Nov). I had a meeting with one of my instructors on campas at noon so I left work early so I could go home and change and get my books. It turns out it was a good thing. I hadn't been in the aptment 5 mins when the FEDEX guy knocks. I didn't open any of the boxes till yesterday night and they sent me a small business HP minitower. It's defently not a great computer and doesn't even have a disk drive, just CD but it should run the programs and such I need for school. It did come with a flat screen moniter and a really nice printer/fax/scanner. I think the printer comb cost more than the computer. Ah well. I haven't figured out where to put it yet but I did spend the morning cleaning and rearranging my apt. It may end up on the table. I don't even want to know how much the printer carriages are going to cost me. Sigh.

Nothing much

2007-10-29T04:53:03Z

Don't have anything to say but it's been awhile sence I posted. Between work and school I am run pretty ragged. Work sucks but I'm trying to keep a good attitude even if it's just saying to myself over and over again that it is just a stop gap till I get my degree which hopefully will be in the spring. School is pretty rough. I am having trouble in a couple of classes and am not getting help from the instructor who is the same teacher for both classes-sigh. I think I am doing OK though so I just have to keep holding on and sloging through.

I have three SGA stories I am working on but haven't had the time or inspirantion to finsh. I have 2-3 others in SGA I am mapping out but haven't started to write. I also have 1 story in smallville I have mapped out but not started to write. I've never written anything for smallville so it should be interesting to see if I can get the vioces right whenever I get around to it. Ah well.

My mom finally admitted that she is not going to get well. I knew this as I did my research paper that quarter on CODP but didn't want to push. I just wish I lived closer. I can only call and email and chat with her. I am not making enough money right now to pay for a plane ticket home. Heck at my current pay it would take me almost 4 months just to buy the round trip ticket and that would be without paying any bills or rent or buying food ect. Yeah it sucks going from making a decent wage to bringing in a quarter of what I use to make. The adjustment is hurting but I am getting use to it.

Other than been tired all time and hurting I guess I am ok. I am hoping to get some words on paper or computer screen this coming weekend and seeing if I can't knock out at least one of my stories. My neck and lower back have been acting pu that last week or so causing pain, headaches and such. I am hoping it is mostly stress. Ah well. Off to bed. 3 am comes way to soon.

New show

2007-10-11T20:12:20Z

So I have another show to add to my interests. I was in the bookstore on saturday and saw they had several Tanya Huff novels out with new covers. I picked one up and saw that they had made a tv series about the about them. I had heard about there maybe being something in works a couple of years ago but had forgotten about it. I liked the books alot and have all of the original ones with the weitd Dali esq covers. So when I got home I searched out Lifetime and found the show. It looked interesting thought am pretty sure in the books her former parter the cop had black hair it still looked good. Then they have links to watch several of the shows so I started to do that. I like it. The actors work well together and the one playing Henry looks great as a vampire. I'm going to have to see about watching all the ones I missed. I see the new season starts friday and at a time I can watch it so I'm going to try to catch it. I am hoping there is some fan faciton out there so will be searching around for that this week to. Nice change for the stress this new quater is putting on me. Looking forward to seeing the show and finding good fan fiction.

finally got the refund

2007-10-11T19:57:31Z

I finally got the refund for overpaying my rent at the last place. I am happy about that. The new place has it's draw backs but over all it's fine. Now to just ready for the new quarter.

WTF?!

2007-08-28T23:13:41Z

Today was a really WTF!! day. About 2 hours into my shift at work my team leader calls a huddle to say blah, blah go team, we're great, blah, blah .blah. Then turns around and says I'm getting kicked off my team on to another in a section I don't like and with people I can barely stand. But it's no reflection on me she says. Yeah right. I'm the newest person on the team and I got into a tiff with one of the others yesterday. No, there was no shouting or slapping. We just had words and it turned out it was just a miss understanding between us. We both apologized and all was sorted out. But then I get transferred today. Maybe I'm paranoid but it just seems like a really big coqinidence that the day after a misunderstanding I get transferred. But the girl who bad mouths everyone all the time is fine and the one who is sick and calls in all the time gets to stay. So what am I suppose to think here?

Then I get home and I call my cable company and tell them need to cut my cable as I am having money troubles and I don't get to watch the TV more than a couple times every couple of weeks. Heck this whole month I watched 2 one hour shows and 1 two hour movie. That a total of 4 hours I used my cable connection in the last 28 days. As I'm paying $90 a month for cable and internet I thought getting rid of the cable would save me money. The guy tells me I have been billed wrong for the last year and my two services were suppose to be 'bundled' together which would have brought the price down to $56 a month which is much better than the $90. (No they won't give me a refund!) He than goes on to say if I cancel the cable my $45 internet shoots up to $58!! Can you believe this crap?! It's actually cheaper to have both.

I called again on the apartment my follow student told me about and this time I got a real person. He said she is moving out 1 sept and that I can come see the place tonight after 5 pm. I am hoping it is OK cause if he keeps the same terms my classmate has had it will be great. If it's ok and he agrees I want to move in around 6-7 sept. I figure that's almost 2 weeks notice for my apartment complex. They want 30 days notice but I am hoping they don't charge me to much with a short notice as my lease expires end of oct anyways. I am also paying less than the regular apartment rate for this one because of the flood last nov. So if I move out they can move someone in who will pay the full price and they make more money. If everything goes well tonight I'll go to my apartment complexes office tomorrow and get things rolling. I will probably need to get a storage locker for stuff till I can sell it or give it awy ect as I think this place I'm looking at is smaller than what I'm in now. I'll see in a couple hours. Need to call moving companies and get some rates. Good thing I kept most of my boxes!

Finals done for summer!

2007-08-15T18:52:59Z

I took my last final for this quarter today! Yeah, all done!! There were some ruff questions on it but I think I did OK even if I did miss 3 or 4 questions on it. I'll be nice to relax a bit before the new quarter begins in sept. Maybe I can get some rest now.

School and sick

2007-08-11T04:36:20Z

Gosh am I tired. I've been sick for almost two weeks and am finally feeling better. Not great or normal yet but at least I'm not hacking up a lung every five minutes now. Now it's just an occasional annoying cough. On top of being sick as a dog this was crunch week for the quarter. I somehow managed to get caught up on all my math homework and take all the test this weeks. I even managed to take the final early yesterday. That was a tough test! We were told it would take about two hours but it took a lot longer than that. Me and another woman from my class both started it at noon and I finally finished mine at 3:30 pm. The other woman was still working on hers when I left to go to my 4:00pm class. Well on the bright side I'm done with that class and it's one less final I have to do.

I had to take another test last night for my legal class and I did get that one done last night. Didn't do bad at all. I am really surprised I pasted anything in the last two weeks what with being so sick and run down and tired! I was on so many meds if wasn't even close to funny. I am surprised I knew my own name. Ah well. I had a lot of stuff due today so I left work early to try to finish it all and turn it in. I got the hugh WSHIMA legislation manual packet finished and typed up. It took longer to type the darn thing than it did to find the information to answer the questions. I finished that about 1 pm and then did my last chapter in my medical office book and typed up the homework for that then did the computer work for it. after I finished that I had to take the final unit quiz. I thought it was going to be really hard but it wasn't. I think I sat going 'this is it?' so that was good. Finally I had to finish my research paper for my legal class. I finally finished it about 8:30pm tonight so I am done now except waiting for my homework and such to be graded and then I have two final exams left. I think I am going to sleep most of the weekend away.

I have been having the urge to do some writing again so maybe I will work on that this weekend. Whenever I am suppose to be working on a paper I always seem to get the fan fiction writing urge. Ah well, tired and my eyes hurt. Think I will go to bed early for once. No midnight 1 am tonight.